Monday Music Matinee: Santa's Baby

A little Christmas cheer from the amazing Miss Jackie Beat.

Explaining Gay Rights

I found this over at Unicorn Booty, possibly my new favorite blog.

Enjoy.

Ron Paul's Performance at the Iowa GOP Debate

This guy is running for President on a platform of not killing poor brown people.

Get into it.

Monday Music Matinee

Presented without comment.

The BART that Could Be

I'm obsessed with this map. I've probably looked at it twenty times since i found it over at Laughing Squid. It's a tantalizing look at a Bay Area living up to it's awesome potential.

Advice to a Young Man, Newly Diagnosed With HIV

When I tested positive in the spring of 2005 it felt like the end of the world. HIV was this boogie man that I had been taught to hate and fear since before I really understood how sex worked, and suddenly this monster was inside of me. I was sure that I had been handed a death sentence. Not only was I going to die, there was a part of me that wanted to die. Because who could love a man with a monster living inside of him? How could such a man ever find happiness? That was almost seven years ago, and my life clearly isn't "over." I have great friends, an adorable dog, and an awesome fella who loves me. But to get here I had to walk a long hard road littered with guilt, depression, and more than a little self destructive behavior. It's my hope that the advice below, lessons learned the hard way, might make your life a little easier.

1. Your life has become more complicated, but it isn't over. In fact I'm happier and healthier than I've ever been. Which isn't to say having HIV is 'easy,' it isn't. There are pills to take, and doctors to visit, and more than a few awkward conversations ahead of you. It's gonna be some work, and at times it going to suck, but it's manageable.

2. Go to the doctor. After getting tested, this is probably the single biggest hurdle facing the newly diagnosed. I know how intimidating that first doctor's visit can be, but it is the first step to taking control of your health and your life. Your testing facility probably directed you to a doctor in your area, if not your local LGBT center should be able to direct you (if you don't have a local LGBT center, please consider point of advice #7). After your diagnosis you are probably going to be in a state of semi shock for a while (i think mine lasted months) so bring a note pad to your first visit and/or ask the doctor if you can record the meeting so you can go over it again later. You should also be prepared to give blood, lots of blood. Get used to it, this is going to be a regular event.

3. Decide if meds are right for you. Some people want to put off taking antiretroviral drugs as long as possible, and others might start medication right away. Unless your numbers are bad (i.e. your viral load is very high, or your T-cell count is very low) the choice will be largely up to you. This can be a very contentious issue, with both camps making very passionate cases. I started taking meds almost a year after my diagnosis, largely because I was in a relationship with an HIV negative man, and i wanted to minimize his risk. But this is a very personal choice that should be made between you and your doctor, and i would never presume to advise anyone one way or the other.

If you do decide to start taking meds, remember that it's a commitment. To be really effective your pills will need to be taken every day and a regular time. If you skip days, or take your medication erratically your virus could adapt and your doctor will have to put you on a different (often more complicated/pill heavy) regimen.

And don't let poverty/ a lack of insurance keep you from treating your HIV. ADAP (the AIDS Drugs Assistance Program) was designed with us poor kids in mind. But be advised, many states have waiting lists (see #7).

4. Decide who to tell, and when. As far as i'm concerned you have an ethical obligation to disclose your HIV status before having sex with them (and in many place, a legal obligation), even if you are using a condom and you have an undetectable viral load. If you don't disclose, and they find out (and they will), they will feel betrayed. Which will be all the more agonizing for everyone involved if you guys have stated to like to have feeling for one another... You should also tell anyone you've had sex with in the last few months, even if you think they have nothing to worry about. The conversations might be awkward, but they will most likely appreciate the heads up. Other then that don't feel any pressure to tell your friends or family until you are ready. But know that it is in people's nature to talk. So once you start telling people, word will get around.

5. Be prepared for rejection. It's shitty, and it hurts, but it will happen. And when it does try and understand, it's not you he's rejecting. He's (probably) not a bad guy, he's just scared.

6. Find your peers. I know how scary and isolated you feel right now, but you are not alone. Seek out other poz folk who you can relate to, who you can talk to. Any fair sized city will have multiple groups you can join, check with your LGBT center (and once again, if there isn't a LGBT center close by, consider item #7)

7. Consider making a move to a big city. I would say this to any HIV positive person living in any area to rural or impoverished to have a LGBT center, even if your state doesn't have a waiting list for ADAP. Any urban center with a high concentration of gay men will do, but Los Angeles, New York City, or the San Francisco Bay Area have thelargest poz populations and the best facilities for dealing with HIV health issues.

8. Don't let the virus get past you. As devastating as it is to find out you are HIV+, that's fuck-all compared to the guilt & heartbreak of knowing you gave it to someone you love. Having HIV is an serious responsibility, and we have a sacred duty to keep it out of the bodies of our loved ones, and our community.

9. Forgive. Forgive the one who gave it to you, and forgive yourself. This is the way things are now, and no amount of anger or blame is going to change that.

10. Have hope. Not only has one man has been functionally cured of HIV,  there are several potential (more practical) cures over the horizon. This is an amazing time to be alive! And i have every hope that we will see the end of AIDS in our lifetime. Until then, take care of yourself, and let the people who love you take care of you too.

My Open Letter to Bruce La Bruce got picked up by the Huffington Post.

(sweet!)

"It's Time"

My Special Gentleman Friend found this video and I've been been getting wet in the face all morning.

(so sweet)

Let the Gay Agenda Be Liberty (an Open Letter to Bruce La Bruce)

Mr. La Bruce,

I want to thank you for taking time out of what is almost certainly a very busy schedule to respond to my criticism of your earlier piece in Vice. I also feel that i owe you two apologies. The first  for taking so long to respond. I know a week is an unforgivably long time on the Internets, but a recent move and the onset of the holidays have kept my hands full. The second is for somehow leaving you with the impression that i don’t think gay culture is worthy of criticism. Gay culture has some serious problems. The decline of gay bars, the rise of Grindr, and enemies. No, not the kids from Glee. Real enemies.

And while we are on the subject, I know you aren’t my enemy. I’ve always been a fan of your art, and while i suspect that you and i don’t share a definition of ‘satire,’ I have nothing but respect for you. Furthermore, while i might have trouble "getting (my)self dressed in the morning," it didn’t escape my attention that you were “merely launching a provocation.” But since only teenagers provoke for the fun of it, I naturally assumed trying to start a dialogue. I’ve risen to the bait, color me provoked.

I agree that our political class has become, with a few exceptions, a lamentable cadre of passionless assimilationists, begging for scraps at the Democratic table. But the Human Rights Campaign isn’t gay culture, and neither was Act Up before it. In every city in America (and i suspect, the western world) there are drag queens, DJs, artists, and performers busting their asses every day to make gay culture happen. And for you to airily decree gay culture to be dead is a kick in the face. You’ve basically told the generation of queer artists and activists who have come up behind you to give up and go home. (And since you stopped using ‘queer’ in the 90’s, i’m sure you won’t mind if we wear it for a while)

You deigned to “spell out” your position, so I will do what i can to clarify mine. When i suggested that your time, talent, and influence could be put to better use drawing attention to places around the world where gay lives and rights are in peril I didn’t mean  “The East Village,”(zing!) I meant places like Russia where sweeping anti gay legislation could make it illegal to say nice things about gay people in front of children, I mean places like Uganda where man on man love may soon be a capital offence, and I mean places like parts of the United States, where if I spit on someone it can be considered assault with a deadly weapon, because i'm HIV positive. And when i imply that you might be better served touting gay artists and historical figures, I didn’t mean “Lady Gaga & Hitler” (double zing!), I was speaking of brilliant performers such as Justin Bond and Penny Arcade, writers like Gregory Maguire and Christopher Rice, film makers such as Travis Matthews and David Weissman, and an endless parade of of first class photographers, dancers, comedians, poets, musicians, DJs, and promoters.

And finally, when i say gay men and women should be fighting for the" freedom to be ourselves," I mean just that. We have spent the last thirty years pursuing an agenda of Equality, and we’ve made admirable, even near miraculous strides. Now we need to pivot to Freedom. Freedom of Expression, Freedom of Association, and the Right to Peaceably Assemble. SOPA should be just as important to the gay rights movment as DOMA. Ending the War on Drugs and the Criminalization of HIV should be priorities as high as the Right to Marry and ending DADT.

In short; If there is a Gay Agenda, let it be Liberty.

to The Death of Gay Culture

   Recently, in Vice Magazine, beloved writer, photographer, and film maker, Bruce LaBruce, wondered aloud that “gay culture is dead,” (no, not “wondered if,” go read the title). And by the time I had finished reading I was fuming. It's not his hunger for attention that I object to. No one likes to tell the world how awesome I am more than I do, and I’d never begrudge that same quality in someone else. And let's leave aside, for the moment, that he is a gay artist who makes gay art for a primarily gay audience (and able to sell enough of that art to finance a trip to Italy). And let’s leave aside how unfocused the piece is; meandering from Jersey Shore to Italian dietary restrictions, to speculating on the sex lives of individual members of the Catholic clergy. His entire argument seemingly rests on the fact that Elton John isn't a rebel anymore and/or that he never made another album as good as Goodbye Yellow Brick Road. Elton John had the temerity to be successful, fall in love, and get old. Good for Elton John! He pushed envelopes, he broadened minds, and he wore a dizzying array of ridiculous sun glasses. The man has done his job; let him retire to a life of happy child rearing.

(i'm glad you are a happy dad, but what is that kid wearing?)

 If you think our people are broadly moving in the wrong direction, as I often do, you have a responsibility to not only get out in front of the crowd and tell them they're going the wrong way, but to show them the right way to go. He could have used those column inches to tout any number of amazing queer artists, gay historical figures, or places around the world where gay rights are imperiled. Instead he chose to talk about what he ate on his vacation, and disparage homos who want to be parents. But this is the quote that irritated me the most.

“The engine of the gay movement used to be an idea of adventurous and extreme sexuality. Gay culture itself was regarded by the status quo as something pornographic and sexually radical.”

   First of all, I couldn’t care less what the status quo thinks about gay culture. The status quo is what keeps Two and a Half Men a Neilson darling year after year. And second, the engine of the gay movement shouldn’t be about who and how we fuck, but whom and how we love. And before I am tarred with the brush of being a “gay conservative,” I would like to state for the record that I am all about adventurous and extreme sexuality. I spent three years in a three way relationship with two other men, I’ve had sex on film, and I have spent the last two years throwing a party best known the carnal shenanigans of its back room (also? very good music). My bona fides as a sexual radical are kind of unassailable. But it’s not the sex we should be fighting for, but the freedom to be ourselves.