Sunday Morning Confessional

I'm sorry can't say it, but i hope you know i feel it.

All the time. Every day.

A Holocaust of the Lower Intestine

I would like to state, for the record, that there is nothing i hate more then diarrhea. No ailment is more abhorrent to me. No affliction, no disease. I'd rather have a face full of zits on prom night. I'd rather projectile vomit at a state dinner. On a scale of one to ten, one being manage-ably annoying (Heidi Klum for instance) and ten being Soul Crushing Brutality (Everybody Loves Raymond!), then diarrhea = Hitler. That's right, i hate diarrhea with the same white hot burning intensity i usually reserve for genocidal landscape painters. Needless to say, the past week of my life, spent chained to my bathroom as i have been, will be remembered in the little personal history of Brenden Shucart as a lower intestinal holocaust.

It was bad. So bad in fact that Saturday night my auto-pilot kicked in and called my friend kevin to take me to the hospital. I have a truly top notch auto-pilot. Honed by years of black out drinking and other forms of over-consumption, it has an almost supernatural ability to get me home and into my bed unscathed. Even from other countries (yes. my auto-pilot has saved me from mexico). And though my nights of frat quality binge drinking are well behind me my auto-pilot remains, a synaptic guardian angel guiding me home when the party is over (if only for me. thank you Auto-Pilot, thank you for everything).

This past Saturday Auto saved me ass again. A perfect storm of dehydration, malnutrition, and high fever had me talking to dead relatives in my bedroom. And my little auto-pilot took maters into its little ninja hands long enough to call out to my friend kevin for help. I know why it picked kevin too, he gets shit done. He's like raw will dipped in caffeine. Explosive and unstoppable. He hoped in a cab scooped me up and whisked me to the emergency room in less then a half an hour (i'm told. I don't really remember anything between the dead relatives and the ER). So if not for him i might be all Rose Kennedy right now. Thank you kevin.

Fuck you Diarreha.

'scared and embarrassed and feeling alone'

Recently I started following a blog, Under the Bridge, written by Jason V. I know Jason, but not well. We move in the same circles, go to many of the same parties, he is a warm and funny fixture on the periphery of my life.

I've been ignoring the internets for a few days now, needing a break from the constant stream of celebrity gossip and geo-political disasters. When i read Jason's blog last night i came across this entry and i sat on my bed and cried.

A few years back when I initially learned of my HIV diagnosis I was afraid of running into someone that might recognize me. Would he or she tell other people about me? What would we say to each other? Should I make eye contact? Do I say hello? I was nervous and unsure.

This morning it happened in reverse: I saw someone that I knew and who by my account probably just learned that he was HIV positive. He's very well known in the gay boy social scene and when he saw sitting there texting away on my Iphone and I looked up and we made eye contact, I felt that same fear swell in him as it used to in me, and I instinctively wanted to leap up and out of my chair to hug him. But I didn't.

When he saw me he just pivoted in the opposite direction and began to wipe furiously at his eyes while I crumpled inside for him. There is such a stigma to being HIV positive in this country that it makes me so angry to see beautiful souls like his scared and embarrassed and feeling alone, most likely feeling confused and angry and all sorts of everything all at once...very much how I felt when I learned of my diagnosis.

I know how ISOLATING those three little letters can be. I know how heartbreaking it is to be rejected by a guy you really like because he can't handle your Status.

Thank you so very much Jason. Thank you for your honesty. Thank you for your bravery. Thank you for your compassion.

You made me feel less alone.

The Roar of the Crowd

We always wanted to be Rock Stars; smoke machines, names in lights, the roar of the crowd like an ocean pounding against the stage... why should we let our lack of talent get in the way of that dream?

Tonight at Chilidog (@ the Tripple Crown: 1760 Market St.)

Doors open at 9

Show starts at 12

Sunday Morning Confessional

I have never seen Cabaret, or Liza! Liza! Liza!. In fact my only real exposure to Liza Minelli has been through parody and her guest spots on Arrested Development. But watching this clip i think i might be missing out.

My Queer Agenda

Here we are Team.

PRIDE!!!!!!!

The gayest week in the gayest city in the world! I'm so excited I can taste the FUCKING RAINBOW.

Here is a quick run down of where you'll find me this week (if you find yourself inclined to look)

TONIGHT! (Wednesday)

My first stop is a house warming for my friends, Jordie and Mark. But after that i'll be moving my feet to funky beats at the notorious Booty Call. $3 dollars all night at the Qbar (456 Castro)

THURSDAY!

The RFD launch party at Tingle Tangle will bring together Radical Faeries from all over the Empire. Young and old, wise and winsome, come and mingle with some of the best people i know (while some of the most talented people i know knock your faggoty socks off) $10(2565 Mission)

FRIDAY!

If you miss Tingle Tangle definatly come to the Faerie Fun Brunch at Cafe Flore, where you can meet and greet Radical Homos from near and far under the summer sun.

I will be preforming at the Suppervision Pride Pajama Party, backing up the rapacious Miss Ambrosia Salad. the party starts at 10 and goes late.

PINK SATURDAY!

The Mad Hatter's Tea Party is being held, noon to 6pm at the Faerie Village (UN Plaza).

Then later that night is Comfort and Joy's world fameous Afterglow (a very sexy party <>)

SUNDAY!

The day Itself. Come find me at the A Different Light Booth in the morning at the festival. After that i'll be making my way to Juanita More's infameous Pool Party

Find more info about the weeks events HERE

Shout Out

I picked up a SFBG on my way to work this morning, and who should be gracing it's cover but San Francisco's very own Juanita More and Juan Garcia, (along with some of the other leading movers and shakers of the Queer Nightlife). This week you can find Juan at his celebration of the mustache, MR. And Ms. More will of course be hosting her weekly party, Booty Call, at QBar tonight and on Sunday she will be presiding over her (amazing, legendary, epic) Pride Pool Party. They are both tireless Social Ninjas that bust their asses to make San Francisco nightlife the non stop adventure that it is today (and i admire them both... more than a little bit) Congratulations guys! You deserve the recognition.

(side note: i scoured the internets for a picture of juanita and juan together, of which i know i've seen eight million... stupid internets.)

Iran is Imploding

Bloomberg is reporting that ten more people have been killed during the protests in Iran. And that family members of Ali Akbar Hashemi Rafsanjani, including his daughter Faezeh Hashemi, have been arrested for supporting the protests. Rafsanjani is a former President of Iran, and is currently head of the Assembly of Experts; the clerrical body that has the power to appoint and dismiss the Supream Leader. It is now likely that Rafsanjani will call the Assembly into session in order to remove Khameni from power.

It looks more and more like Iran could slip into civil war.

Happy Father's Day

I miss you Dad. Every day.

Whiskey & S'mores

I woke up this morning at Precita Palace smelling of campfire after our Whiskey & S'mores  Campfire Social. Blessedly unhungover. I even made it to work on time!