Wednesday, July 30, 2008

"The End of Democracy in America"

One of the most important books i read as a kid was Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card. In case you haven't read it, Ender's Game is the story of a bright and sensitive young boy plucked from a life of torment and bullying at the hands of his classmates and his sadistic older brother to be trained as genocidal military commander. Despite his torturous youth and his brutal military education Ender grows up to be a man of peace and tolerance (after killing almost an entire race of aliens, but i digress).

For a bright and sensitive young fag who had enormous difficulty interacting with my peers this novel was a life-line to me. I was eleven, on the precipice of puberty and already the caste systems that genesis in middle school and crystallize in high school were becoming clear to me. What was also clear was the fact that intelligence and compassion would not not earn me a place on the upper tiers. I was lonely and alienated and then i discovered this amazing book and i realized i wasn't alone, there was a man out there who had grown up feeling as awkward and alienated as me and he had written this amazing book to let kids like me realize we could be accepted and understood. We could even be heroes.

Which i suppose is why Card's vitriolic attack in the Mormon Times, against not just same sex marriage but homosexuals as a whole, cuts me so fucking deeply. I don't think their is any worse feeling then to think you are understood and accepted only to realize not only are you rejected but you are actually reviled. does a great job of refuting Card's essay (which claims same-sex marriage will be the 'end of Democracy in America', equates same-sex marriage with violation of private property, and advocates the violent overthrow of any government that recognizes gay unions) with far more insight and mental dexterity then i think i could muster at the moment. This has been a rough day, and learning that one of my inspirations thinks of me and my people as less then human has been the bile icing on a slice of shit cake.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Thank you for Being a Friend

I'm sad to say Estelle Getty has passed away in her home on Hollywood Blvd. She was 87. It goes without saying that Ms. Getty and all of the Golden Girls had a huge impact on many of us, especially me. Golden Girls was one of (if not the) first American television program to deal with homosexuality, not in a one shot "very special" episode. But over and over again. Painting gays and lesbians as normal people looking for love and friendship.

I hope Heklina and Cookie Dough do another Golden Girls night...

Friday, July 18, 2008

Thursday, July 17, 2008

I am going to be okay.

Things are a little bit better. I spoke with my mom this morning, and this evening. She is scared, but i think she understands that i am going to be okay (baring earthquake and heartbreak, and even then...).

I go back and forth with how personal i want this journal to be. On one hand i would love to be a straight (umm...) journalist, and only write about the news, current events, and the exploits of my peers. But when all i can think about is all the pain im in and i'm causing...

We'll see.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008


So I just told my mom about my HIV status, it went about as badly as it could have. I guess thats a lie, it could have been worse. But it was pretty bad.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

I'm a Fucking Coward

I've been trying to drum up the guts to tell my mom my HIV status for about two weeks now, and i just can't fucking do it.


'Help Me'

The BBC has obtained the first video of an actual interrogation at Guantanamo Bay. It depicts young Omar Khadr being asked about the events leading up to his capture. For those of you who have never heard of Omar Khadr he is a Canadian Citizen who was captured in Afghanistan in 2002 at the age of fifteen for allegedly throwing a grenade that killed a US soldier. It is six years later and Khadr (now 21) is still @ Guantanamo Bay. This past February the Pentagon accidentally released documents showing that although Khadr was present during the firefight, there was no other evidence that he had thrown the grenade. In fact, military officials had originally reported that another of the surviving militants had thrown the grenade just before being killed.

Mr. Khadr has been tortured, deprived of sleep, put in solitary confinement, and denied medical care.

Now you understand, they hate us for our freedom.

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Who Has Less Abortions Than Homosexuals?

I saw this clip on my friend Regan Fox's personal blog and i had to share it with all you Mares. George Carlin passed on the 22nd of June and i think the world is a much diminished place. He was a personal hero of mine and of my late father. (oh wow! i just got REAL sad... watch the clip.)

Monday, July 7, 2008

Fuck You and Your Reformation

From the New Zealand Herald,

"Senior Church of England bishops have held secret talks with Vatican officials to discuss the crisis in the Anglican communion over homosexual priests and women bishops.

They met senior advisers of the Pope in an attempt to build closer ties with the Roman Catholic Church."

You have read that correctly, there are Anglican Bishops who would rather hang out with child molesters than chicks and queers.

If you don't know the history behind the original Catholic/Anglican split i'll let Eddie Izzard explain it to you.

Friday, July 4, 2008

Happy Birthday America!

Sweet Angry God. Pride was a week ago and i am just now starting to feel like a human being again. The Burning Mary/HomoChic party friday was a HUGE success. If i were the type to brag i might say that it was The Party of the Weekend. I might say that anyway because it is the only event i have real clear memories of (thank you alcohol!) I spent monday laying around my apartment praying for death, and tuesday i was as stoned as humanly possible while cleaning the epic devastation that my living space had become. You'd think with all the free time i've had this week i might have spent some of it writing, but clearly that didn't happen. I really have to learn the knack of writing while drunk/hungover or this blog... er... 'cultural journal' is never gonna get off the ground. But i digress.

Pride is over. The time has come for Independence Day! You have no clue how much i love the 4th of July. I love hot dogs on toasted buns, loaded down with ketchup and relish. I love fireworks filling the skies above me with light and sound and magic. I even love to sing 'The Star Spangled Banner.' I love America.

I am a Patriot.

I know that might catch some of you off guard. It isn't exactly 'cool' for a man of my generation, raised on slacker movies and other hallmarks of the early 90's. I am fully aware of Samuel Johnson's great quote, "Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel." I know that our government has used our military to invade sovereign nations and prop up dictators. I know that our corporations steal the resources and indigenous wisdom of peoples all over the word so we here can have bigger cars and newer pharmaceuticals. We are greedy and fat and stupid and blah blah blah.

For all of our flaws we are the the first nation founded not on a clan tie or some king's conquest, but on an Ideal. We are the only country in the world built on the idea that we can all be Happy and Free.

And even if the execution leaves something to be desired, the Ideal and Intent are worth loving.